


Alternatives

by Keiko_Yue



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Compliant, Dean is tired of himself, Fanwork coming to life, Happy Ending, M/M, Multiverse Peephole, dream walking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:54:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23841835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Keiko_Yue/pseuds/Keiko_Yue
Summary: Cas crocks his head a bit, thinking about how to answer. “You could compare it to that, yes, though it’s also nothing alike. I’m an angel”, he adds as if it’s needed.Dean hates this. When something is going on and Cas is going fully angelic and he doesn’t understand shit about what’s happening.“What’s all this then?”“It’s”, Cas begins, but seems to search for the right explanation. “It’s various possibilities of- of us, our journey, our story.”
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 6
Kudos: 29





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Castiel_Left_His_Mark_On_Me](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Castiel_Left_His_Mark_On_Me/gifts), [PurgatoryJar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PurgatoryJar/gifts), [awed_frog](https://archiveofourown.org/users/awed_frog/gifts), [komodobits](https://archiveofourown.org/users/komodobits/gifts), [imogenbynight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/imogenbynight/gifts), [Nanami_Michiko](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nanami_Michiko/gifts).



Encasing warmth, a soft shiver, decaying vibrations, weightlessness, comfort. 

Damped statics, throbbing drumming, a distant shrill tone, silence. 

Flashes, spectral colors, white. 

His tongue dry and heavy. 

A faint scent of ozone. 

Dean blinks a few times before the room he’s in falls into place: Black and white tiles, bland walls and no defined ceiling. Though there is light coming from above, highlighting metal frames. 

Dean knows this place isn’t real immediately. Because he wouldn’t step in some third-class gallery (not barefoot in any case). Because everything seems a bit blurry. Because when he concentrates on it, he still can feel his body laying on his mattress like it should do. 

He’s sleeping. 

His naked feet are echoing from the walls as Dean steps closer to one of the frames. At first, he thought it is a painting, but as he comes closer, he sees the picture is moving. There is him and Cas, laughing in some dark alley, walking to Baby. He can’t _hear_ their talking, not like sound hitting his ears. But he kind of feels what’s going on there: the laughter, his own words ( _It’s been a long time since I’ve laughed that hard_ ), the feeling of his own hand steady on Cas’ back. 

Dean remembers the moment. It was the night before they faced Raphael. They were in the brothel together and Cas- was just being Cas. It was a good night. 

Dean moves on. There are more and more memories of him and Cas along the walls. Some of them he remembers clear as day (Cas walking into that barn, sparks everywhere, Cas nearly killing him in the crypt, Cas passing the pizza box over to him), some he can’t quite bring into line. The more he moves on, the more abstract the scenes get. He is pretty sure he never stood next to Cas, who leans over to look into Baby’s hood just to realize she is out of coolant. And he definitely wasn’t ever a window cleaner of Cas’ office! What the fuck is going on here? 

“Hello Dean.” Cas is standing there, further down the hallway, in front of another frame. He faces Dean with his gentle smile. “What are you doing here?” 

Dean comes closer to him. “You tell me! Isn’t this your dream walking thing going on?” Dean doesn’t allege that this – whatever the hell it is – is something that could go on in his head. Not at all! After all he just passes a picture of Cas with colored wings and a torn halo and what the fuck? But he remembers it, the warm feeling when Cas came to him in his dreams. The certainty that nothing around him is real, except for him and Cas. 

He told Cas years ago to stop that, because after all it was creepy as fuck. 

“Well, _I’m_ not the one dream walking.” 

“Are you telling me _you_ are dreaming?” 

Cas crocks his head a bit, thinking about how to answer. “You could compare it to that, yes, though it’s also nothing alike. I’m an angel”, he adds as if it’s needed. 

Dean hates this. When something is going on and Cas is going fully angelic and he doesn’t understand shit about what’s happening. 

“What’s all this then?” 

“It’s”, Cas begins, but seems to search for the right explanation. “It’s various possibilities of- of us, our journey, our story.” He points towards another frame, where Dean walks through the dusty forest of what he recognizes as the alternative world. 

Dean swallows. “You mean, this is like a multiverse peephole?” He watches the scene further. Dean – that version of Dean – reaches a decayed shack. He is not alone. Cas is with him. It hurts Dean (both of them, he can tell) to see him like that. He looks more broken than ever. That’s not only coming from his bloodily torn back and _wings_ (shredded, battered, useless and still, _still_ , breathtakingly majestic), but also from the utterly dejected look on his face. 

The gallery seems to get more spacious as he averts his gaze. Dean notes new corridors here and there, all stocked with these strange frames. His sight lands on another scene. He observes himself dressed in military uniform patching up Cas’ shoulder. “Are they all real?” 

“I can’t quite tell. They do exist after all.” Cas begins to wander down the hallway, Dean follows him. 

“So, what are you doing here? Even you can’t have binged everything on Netflix by now.” Dean is trying to make sense of all of this. But thinking fells like reading in dreams right now: The moment he focuses on a thought he can’t make out the ones before anymore. 

Cas smiles, kind of shyly. “I like to go here occasionally. All of these”, he touches the nearest frame – one showing Dean stepping into a house, where the sprinklers are flooding the whole space, “are stories with different premises. Sometimes it’s pleasant to see what could be, if-“ 

_If things would have been different._

__

_If we would have met under other circumstance._

__

_If we weren’t that afraid._

Dean has different ideas to end Cas’ sentence, be he stays silent. He’s overwhelmed with all of this. The further they go, the more impressions rush in on him and he doesn’t know how to handle this. There is a woozy feeling in his stomach when they pass a story, where Cas just steps closer to Dean an kisses him. It takes everything in Dean not to stop and stare at what is happening there. He’s not sure of what to make of all this. Is he supposed to be happy, because apparently there are thousands of versions of Cas and him where they made it, where they are happy and riding on unicorns under goddam rainbows? 

Most of all he is envy. Because the _real_ Cas is standing right next to him (though not actually real, since this is still a dream (or whatever)) and life – _his_ life – is not a fucking soap opera! It’s silly. He accepted his life – this cursed version of a life long ago. Life is a bitch; let go or be dragged. 

Then Dean actually stops. Because on top of it all (of the two of them watching the night sky at the ocean at one end and Cas slow dancing with him at a wedding at another) there is a picture of Charlie now, dressed in an absurd Pikachu bikini and laughing mischievous. She seems happy and lighthearted, as if nothing could go wrong. 

All along the walls there are more familiar faces now: Benny. Bobby. Even Crowley. And many more. 

Dean takes a deep breath to soothe the upcoming feeling of sickness hitting him. Because this- it _hurts_. It hurts so goddam much too see his friends in whatever worlds they are there. 

It is one thing that _his_ life is fucked up. But his friends, his family- All of them deserved so much better and he misses every one of them. 

Cas places his hand on Dean’s shoulder. It’s warm and steady. 

“Every life has it’s merits.” 

It’s strangely assuring somehow. 

He is about to make a mocking comment to break the afflicted atmosphere, when he chokes on his own breath, because they are passing a frame now, where Cas is going down on Dean. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable”, Cas reacts nonchalant, guiding him another way. 

“What’s over there?”, Dean asks to change the topic. He is busy not to think about what he has seen; to think about how it would feel, when Cas’ lips close around his own dick. There is no way he’ll let this end in a wet dream. 

Cas looks over to the place, which lays in darkness, as if the non-existing lamps were turned off. “I prefer not to go there. Not all stories end happily.” Cas’ glance becomes blank. “I have seen you die more than enough, I don’t need to see it in different variations.“ 

Somehow, it’s comforting that there is also a place where things are worse. 

Cas holds Dean at his arm to stop him. 

“Even though there are uncountable beautiful stories out there, I like this the most”, Cas assures and points at another frame. It takes Dean a while to realize, that it’s a mirror, actually. He looks surreptitiously at Cas, who smiles directly at him. “I’m curious how it’ll proceed.” 

That’s when Dean wakes up, a bit dizzy in his head and wondering, whether this happened or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic started out as an idea that hunted me for months and an ending I found within hours (after I spent weeks struggling, of course). 
> 
> All of the different universes Dean gets a sneak peek into are fanfictions I love and would highly recommend you to read! 
> 
> In order of appearance: 
> 
> [Twenty Miles Out](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6789688) by [Castiel_Left_His_Mark_On_Me ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Castiel_Left_His_Mark_On_Me)
> 
> [High Rise/ Hard Fall](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8548516) by [Castiel_Left_His_Mark_On_Me ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Castiel_Left_His_Mark_On_Me)
> 
> [All I’m getting from you is color](https://purgatory-jar.tumblr.com/post/147643330752/all-im-getting-from-you-is-color-also) by [Purgatory-Jar](https://purgatory-jar.tumblr.com/) (no fanfic but such a beautiful fanart!) 
> 
> [Blues Run the Game](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11172456) by [awed_frog ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/awed_frog)
> 
> [Ninety One Whiskey](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2362190) by [komodobits ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/komodobits)
> 
> [Qualia](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5114414) by [imogenbynight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/imogenbynight)
> 
> [MAY I](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22225537) by [Nanami_Michiko](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nanami_Michiko)
> 
> [Beach holiday](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23657509/chapters/56787181) by [Nanami_Michiko](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nanami_Michiko)
> 
> [The Way Out](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8315497) by [awed_frog ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/awed_frog)


	2. Chapter 2

As he is brushing his teeth, Dean realizes what he hadn’t noticed before: he had seen the frames of this wild dreamland before. It’s the same every bathroom mirror in the bunker is cased in. Looking at his own reflection it’s hard no to imagine Cas next to him. 

_I’m curious how it’ll proceed._

How could he? There is not much to proceed. They’ll be saving people, they’ll be hunting things and then they’ll start over again. There is not much in between and if there is, it won’t end well. 

“Good morning Dean”, Cas says as Dean enters the kitchen. 

Cas sits there, literally all dressed up and with nowhere to go. Just waiting for the Winchesters to start the day and give him orientation on how to spend time. Dean wonders not for the first time why Cas bears with this: being cooped up in this bunker with nothing to do. Well, might explain what happened last night. 

“Morning” Dean looks away from Cas and focuses on the already freshly brewed coffee. He places a filled mug in front of Cas as well and sits down at the other end of the table then. 

Cas smiles absentmindedly at the coffee and actually takes a sip from it. 

They sit together in silence. That’s what they can do best: not talking about whatever. 

It’s been four days since this strange experience and Dean has to admit, that he is kind of disappointed every morning when he awakes. He wants to see it again, just one more time. He wants to see the what ifs and he wants to see his friends. He hasn’t thought about anything else since then. The thought of thousands of different versions of himself scares him, but there is an urge inside him, he can’t quite explain. 

Even now he lies in bed, tossing and turning, and thinking about how he could get back to the multiverse gallery. Of course, he won’t ask Cas about it, but until now he can’t find another way. 

Dean opens the drawer of his nightstand. From between two magazines of _Busty Asian Beauties_ he pulls his photos out. There are the ones of Mom and him and Sam. He also got one of Bobby and one Selfie of him and Charlie in their LARP-Costumes and – yes – he even has the photo of him and Crowley, where they had a fantastic-demonic evening with beer, cowboy hats and more beer. Dean printed it out at some point after Crowley was gone because, - well, he had no good explanation why, but at least he has a photo now. Because that is all. Seven crumbled pieces of paper and there are so so many faces missing. 

Dissatisfied with himself Dean stands up. It’s nearly two am. He sure as hell can’t sleep right now, but he sure as hell won’t lay in bed moping either. 

With nothing to do but the photos still in hand he goes into the kitchen. Surprisingly he finds Cas there, sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall. His eyes are closed and he doesn’t react to Dean’s appearance. He’s asleep. Well, sort of. 

“Cas”, he whispers and kneels next to him. He doesn’t want to wake him, like you shouldn’t wake up a sleepwalking kid. Cas’ expression is soft and peaceful, his breath slow and steady. Without thinking Dean takes Cas’ hand. He has never been that aware of the feeling of Cas’ skin and the warmth of it. Gently he caresses his hand. 

“You should have said something, buddy. I would have come with you”, Dean mumbles. 

“You could have asked.” Cas’ voice echoes unexpectedly loud in the silent kitchen. His eyes are still closed. Dean is taken by surprise and for a split second he feels the urge to let go of Cas’ hand, but somehow he manages to stay still. Cas doesn’t seem to reject the handholding, so why should he bother at this point? 

“Why are you sitting here on the kitchen floor? The last time I checked, you had your own room.” Dean knows it’s not fair. Because Cas’ room is nothing more then that: a room. It contains only the bare necessities: a bed, a cupboard, a little desk. Not that it’s necessary for Cas anyway. But it’s certainly nothing personal. 

Cas opens his eye to look at him. They are as stunningly blue as always. “You could frame it like I’m having a better signal here”, he explains. 

“Why?”, Dean snorts, even though he’s not sure whether he really wants to know the rules behind this stuff (because that would lead to too many questions, too much thinking about nonhuman structures). 

Cas smiles at him. “What’s that?” He looks down at the photos Dean absentmindedly put on the floor next to him. 

Dean hands them to Cas. Instead of letting go of Deans hand he just places the photos on his own lap to skim through them. 

“You made me miss them”, Dean says, “You know, not just-“. Deans voice is rough. They talk about chose family all the time, but it seems like there is no more place for them after they passed away, which- most of the time Dean blames himself for it. 

“Maybe”, Cas says, “we could make a photo album with these and some more. We could ask Jody and Claire.” 

This sounds honestly like one of the best ideas Dean had heard in a long time. “I’d like that.” 

Cas squeezes Dean’s hand softly. “I didn’t mean to make you sad.” 

They look at each other. 

“Yeah, you just made me wonder about you and me twenty-four/seven like it’s nothing.” 

“I know you need time and I want you to know that it’s okay. Everything of it is okay.” Cas voice is soft and warm and comforting. Yet Dean isn’t happy about the implication that the situation they are in is all due to Dean. 

“Yeah, like-”, Dean argues, but Cas interrupts him. 

“It’s okay, Dean.” 

He knows Cas is right. He knows that Cas knows that he loves him, and that he loves him back and that it won’t start the next apocalypse and that no one else would even be surprised and still- 

“It’s okay, if you need more time, Dean. I’ll be there. I’ll be always there.” 

Dean breathes – in, out, in, out – his mind feels blank but there is the beating of his heart that steadies him. 

“Nothing would change, right?” It’s not like Dean hadn’t thought about the impact it would have to act on his feelings. Part of him knows that his concerns are unjustified, but he could need some reassurance here. It’s been so long now and Dean is tired of his own insecurity. Fucking coward. 

“No”, Cas answers slowly, captivating Dean with his look, “everything will stay the same and still it would change everything.” 

Dean swallows. He’s not right sure if he understands what Cas wants to tell him, but dammit, if he doesn’t do it now, he probably never will. He leans forward, placing his free hand at Cas’ cheek and kisses him. 

Now that they are doing it, now that they kiss, Dean realizes that he expected it to be more different, something groundbreakingly, trumpets of Jericho like special, something supernatural. But it’s only a kiss. Dean loves the simplicity of it and the soothing feeling it causes. Only now he realizes the huge tension he was under for so long. And now nothing feels easier than sitting on the floor in the dim kitchen and kissing Cas. 

“You good?”, Cas askes cautious but smiling brightly. 

Dean stands up and reaches out for Cas. Cas prefers the kitchen over his own room, but maybe Deans room will do it for tonight. 

“You come with me?” 

Cas takes Dean’s hand smiling. 

“Of course.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it :)


End file.
